today i have been bed ridden. barely gotten out of bed at all. josh got the kids up, fed them breakfast, gave them baths, took them to church...i laid in bed feeling weak and nauseous, my stomache rumbling, a lovely case of the stomache flu, about which i'll spare you the details. finally at about four this afternoon josh brought me some juice and cut up watermelon (with some lime--which i love), the thought of which actually didn't make me feel worse, so after getting a little something back in my stomache i feel a little better. not much. thank goodness it's sunday and i can just rest all day, sleep all day, stay in my pajamas all day, and finally finish reading 'the red tent.' i did read a big stack of library books with joshua this morning, but other than that i've really done nothing--so if i blog a little, maybe i'll feel semi-productive.
i'm going back three months, to the end of may when i was in washington dc, which i want to blog about because a) several of you loyal readers were with me back in the day and share my love for the place. b) i had a wonderful, perfect time. c) something about being back there makes me very introspective. i went on my own, and josh was a stay-at-home dad for a few days. although before i left i had 5 meals prepared, a fridge full of groceries, laundry all done, etc--afterwards josh still told me we should hire a maid, which idea i fully support! it's been awhile since i've traveled without my kids, and it was refreshing and relaxing--and a very fun getaway with my girl susan.
isnt' that beautiful? the jefferson monument. it was a beautiful day, and i was alone for most of it. this reminded me how much i love being alone--and i love being alone in a big city, there's just something about the anonymity of it. i was filled with thoughts of 2000. when i was over on this side of the river i thought about the cold day nick and i went out to the awakening--such a beautiful sculpture, the man freeing himself from the ground. and this, the einste
in monument just barely off the mall, hidden away in the trees on constitution ave, reminded me of matt--his favorite. one day i studied (yes i brought my books and studied a lot--i can't let go) at the national gallery of art and thought of brooklyn, the artist. we were MIRACULOUSLY assigned as roommates at our humble ghetto abode in alexandria, VA, where your nights are filled with the incessant banging of bedposts against the neighbors thin walls. the fact that she was my roommate is proof that heaven was smiling down on me, i may very well have lost it with some of the others (ie. right-wing nut). but brooklyn was perfect--she is all light and sunshine, thought and honesty, reality and beauty. just what i needed.
in monument just barely off the mall, hidden away in the trees on constitution ave, reminded me of matt--his favorite. one day i studied (yes i brought my books and studied a lot--i can't let go) at the national gallery of art and thought of brooklyn, the artist. we were MIRACULOUSLY assigned as roommates at our humble ghetto abode in alexandria, VA, where your nights are filled with the incessant banging of bedposts against the neighbors thin walls. the fact that she was my roommate is proof that heaven was smiling down on me, i may very well have lost it with some of the others (ie. right-wing nut). but brooklyn was perfect--she is all light and sunshine, thought and honesty, reality and beauty. just what i needed.anyway, this time i also had a wonderful long run, i lost track but it was somewhere between 10 and 15 miles. i just took off and ran and ran all over the city, then down the mall, across the river, along the parkway, and into one of my favorite of all the monuments--roosevelt island--the nature preserve in honor of teddy. it's beautiful and quiet and a refuge from the city. when i was in dc, sometimes i would get so restless to be out of the city, into the mountains, away from all the people, the traffic, the noise, the endless political debates. so i learned to appreciate the beauty of small little refuges the city provides. a small grove of trees, a little stream, everything means more and i learned to a
ppreciate them more and to feel alone and peaceful even as the city rushed by. this picture to the left is the mall. but really, you can't see how beautiful a day it was, how beautiful the place is, although it's true i may wear rose colored glasses. the entire city is just magical to me. i've always thought of the cheesy phrase "i found myself in paris," but for me it was dc. i think i found myself there. not that i felt particularly lost--but it was there i learned to really know what i cared about, what i believed, what i liked, without reference to those around me. for awhile i actually think i went too far, it was a far out experience after which, back at school, i was able to be centered. but it was in dc i stopped worrying about what other people thought or what other people were doing--i was happy by myself, i was happy being myself. i loved spending time alone on long walks, at kennedy center concerts, on the metro reading the new york times or 'the alchemist' or writing in my journal, ice skating to jazz music at national archives. i learned the joy of eating out by yourself, of being alone in thought. this may sound funny, because i think i've always been a bit of a loner, but at college i had so much fun all the time, i had so many great friends all the time, and maybe that didn't leave me enough time to take it all in. so in 2000 i did.
ppreciate them more and to feel alone and peaceful even as the city rushed by. this picture to the left is the mall. but really, you can't see how beautiful a day it was, how beautiful the place is, although it's true i may wear rose colored glasses. the entire city is just magical to me. i've always thought of the cheesy phrase "i found myself in paris," but for me it was dc. i think i found myself there. not that i felt particularly lost--but it was there i learned to really know what i cared about, what i believed, what i liked, without reference to those around me. for awhile i actually think i went too far, it was a far out experience after which, back at school, i was able to be centered. but it was in dc i stopped worrying about what other people thought or what other people were doing--i was happy by myself, i was happy being myself. i loved spending time alone on long walks, at kennedy center concerts, on the metro reading the new york times or 'the alchemist' or writing in my journal, ice skating to jazz music at national archives. i learned the joy of eating out by yourself, of being alone in thought. this may sound funny, because i think i've always been a bit of a loner, but at college i had so much fun all the time, i had so many great friends all the time, and maybe that didn't leave me enough time to take it all in. so in 2000 i did. now, don't get me wrong--many of my favorite people in the world are people i met in dc in 2000. a lot of what i loved and learned stemmed from my interactions with others. the endless debating forced me to learn to give voice to my thoughts, to not be afraid of disagreement or disapproval, and taught 
me to understand that my opinions are as valid and as educated as anyone else's--that other people don't know more simply because they speak emphatically or use absolutes. or simply because they are men. i also learned a lot about my religious beliefs from nick and matt and from one guy ryan that i interned and took long lunches with--from the questions, sometimes painful, that forced me to ask myself what i believed and what kind of person i wanted to be. i also had an experience at the national cathedral, participating in a non-denominational religious ceremony when the Rev. Jesse Jackson spoke, for which participation i was severely castigated by my mormon peers--which forced more personal reflection. and my grandpa passed away that semester. this was much harder for me than i ever would have thought, i still don't quite understand it. but i'll never forget matt's kindness--bringing me ice cream and sitting up with me without talking--nor the tulips emily left on my table.
me to understand that my opinions are as valid and as educated as anyone else's--that other people don't know more simply because they speak emphatically or use absolutes. or simply because they are men. i also learned a lot about my religious beliefs from nick and matt and from one guy ryan that i interned and took long lunches with--from the questions, sometimes painful, that forced me to ask myself what i believed and what kind of person i wanted to be. i also had an experience at the national cathedral, participating in a non-denominational religious ceremony when the Rev. Jesse Jackson spoke, for which participation i was severely castigated by my mormon peers--which forced more personal reflection. and my grandpa passed away that semester. this was much harder for me than i ever would have thought, i still don't quite understand it. but i'll never forget matt's kindness--bringing me ice cream and sitting up with me without talking--nor the tulips emily left on my table.back to the near past--at some point in my run i had to head back over arlington bridge, and then i wandered around the FDR monument, which i also love. all the water, the fountains amidst all the stone, and right next to the river. it's beautiful. and what's more beautiful are the FDR quotes engraved on the stone. here's one i love...
but there are many more. he talks a lot about social justice, which is huge for me--almost everything politically for me. i feel like there's so much in dc that's inspiring. not that it isn't easy to be disillussioned by things, by politics. i worked for senator hatch, i know all about disillusionment. but really--there's so much good. i ended up going by the white house, and of course here you see the permanent peace protest--which reminded me of dave who told me he joined them one day, fingers in a V and singing give peace a chance. cracks me up. way to be a part of the process!
but there are many more. he talks a lot about social justice, which is huge for me--almost everything politically for me. i feel like there's so much in dc that's inspiring. not that it isn't easy to be disillussioned by things, by politics. i worked for senator hatch, i know all about disillusionment. but really--there's so much good. i ended up going by the white house, and of course here you see the permanent peace protest--which reminded me of dave who told me he joined them one day, fingers in a V and singing give peace a chance. cracks me up. way to be a part of the process!
speaking of dave, it was great seeing him and matt s, friends from BYU, and even jozsef who i met in dc in 2000, an entirely different context, and now he randomly lives out there with some good friends of mine who previously had no connection. small world. it was fun eating out with the noisy and interesting debate matt always fosters, now moderated by his sweet wife, and cracking up watching the office, talking late. best of all was hanging out with susan. what a great time. we just talked and talked and talked and talked--all day and up late and off to lunch and in the car. just like old times. there aren't many friends like that in the world. but susan has got to be one of the best people to talk with. you can bet we're laughing like crazy, crying a lot--talking about old times, but also about politics, religion, relationships, families, future plans, fears, hopes. everything is on the table. susan is simply the best. that's why she's one of my very best friends and favorite people. she's beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, hilarious... on and on. thank goodness for the dorms that brought us together!other good times from my trip included walking the cobblestone streets of georgetown, and the tow path and rock creek park. it's such a beautiful, historical, fun place to be, esp
ecially with company this good. and dupont circle, off to the left here, with lots of fun shops and restraunts and expensive living. it's somewhere i now love especially. but enough details...the whole trip was perfect, the timing was perfect, the people were perfect. i love the place more than ever.
4 comments:
Hey Janell,
That was beautiful! Brought some tears to my eyes. I miss the place. Sometimes, I wish I had never listened to my parents when they said that I should leave and return home after failing to find the job of my dreams. I should have listened to Jenet, instead!
But, I do enjoy sometimes reminiscing about our experience. I never understood why your fellow church members were hard on you for volunteering to participate in the service at National Cathedral. I thought it was no big deal.
While the "right wing nut" (forget her name) didn't get on my nerves, I couldn't believe that people wanted me to hook up with her!
Most of all, I was glad to have become good friends with you, Brooklyn, Matt, Mandy, and Jantzen. Most of my battles were with Elliott, who I thought was the most shallow person I had ever met. I was glad that Matt shared my opinion, and poor Jantzen was stuck with him as a roommate!
Like you, I tend to be a "loner", so DC was a very social experience for me, which I love and crave now. It's nice to have a small group of friends to hang out with sometimes. Other times, its fun just to explore a city by yourself without worrying about what another person wants to do.
Thanks for the memories!
glad you enjoyed nick. what a great time we all had. and such interesting people!
oh my goodness janell--i think i'm going to cry, too! that brought up all the nostalgia i had and some that i just adopted! what a fantastically rich memory and post about it. i think it wouldn't have been so amazing for you unless you were as introspective, sincere, honest, and passionate as you are. although you say you found all of those things there, they seem so innate in you and i can't imagine you any other way, ever!
i feel equally if not more blessed to have had you as a roommate, although i don't feel like we've spent tons of time together, you are super connected to some of the deepest experiences in my life with the cards, books, and letters you've given me and conversations we've had. at risk of hippie overdose, you are so connected to the soul of the universe and have such strong energy in your thoughts.
anyway, thanks for the memory trip. even the reminder of mary bell the right wing nut.
i just looked up some pictures and you'll have to check my blog.
thanks b! there are so many people that you are friends with because of shared experience--you grow close because you have time and people in common. you and i didn't have much of that--even in dc we both largely did our own thing, and only hung out here in utah for awhile before you were off to california. yet i'd be more likely to share some of my deepest thoughts with you than people i may hang out with tons or have a lot of shared experience with. with you there's just some connection. i've thought before that you are someone who would be my friend no matter what i did--if i was a wanted criminal or if i left the church or ran away from my family or something crazy. i may be wrong, but i've thought you'd be one of very very few people who would give me the benefit of the doubt, not ask tons of questions, and still love me and think well of me. i've always felt understood by you at a deeper, more fundamental level. lucky connection, and more beautiful for its rarity. lucky me.
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